Dr. Issac R. Malkin

( Issac Malkin )

I'd like to fill everyone in on the wild, exciting adventures of my summer but I have done nothing. So it would all be a lie. And if I did come up with a tale of exotic exploits I would most likely end up despondent over the fact that it was, again, a lie. Though, I haven't actually minded doing nothing out of my ordinary, I've enjoyed nothing. And I like to think nothing has enjoyed my company.

I say I've done nothing but that's not true. Routine is something to me, cricket, laser tag, karaoke, I shouldn't diminish such fun activities. And I did go round this weekend to visit my mums. Which is great when it's not forcibly reminding me of what I'd imagine a police interrogation might be like. Also, asking your parents if they are DIs doesn't actually distract them so much as earn you a good glare. Imagine.

I'll have to break up with routine for Arsenal next weekend, can't miss the first game of the season. Everton doesn't stand a chance.

Is anyone else following Wimbledon? I'll admit, my money has been on Roddick up to this point even though I think it would have be nice to see a Briton finally make it into the Men's final. The smart money might be on Federer but I guess I just have this gut feeling I should let it ride. Maybe if I come out of this tournament richer, for once, I'll fund the next Faculty Meeting. Maybe. If everyone is very nice, maybe.

Completely unrelated, I've had a song stuck in my head now for almost four days, on and off. Only I can't remember any lyrics or most of the tune past the few notes that keep reasserting themselves. And it's one of those instances when the song name is just right on the tip of tongue, and you're sure that if you could just remember the name or artist you could recall the rest of the song and the torture would end. But so far, no luck.

If anyone would like to come out tonight and ignore their age long enough to play laser tag (into a ridiculous hour of the night) is free to join me. My usual group isn't getting off the ground tonight but I just can't bring myself to skip it. Everyone is welcome.

I gave my class the assignment to bring in items for show and tell, something to share that relates to their family in some way. We've had this theme before and I had one student that brought his grandfather in. Well, it'd be more appropriate to say he brought the urn that contained his ashes in. Hopefully this session will be much less eventful. I still have to find something to bring in. Maybe Ivy will oblige me and stop in to tell all my students just how much she loves and respects and idolises me. Maybe.

I have another game tomorrow, we've won the last two and I'm starting to enjoy this trend so hopefully tomorrow will go well. Open invitation of course. Ella, you and Jamie are going to be my cheering section again?

I've got my first cricket game of the season tomorrow. It should be the second but the first was rained out. So the now-first-former-second game starts at 2 o'clock if there are any interested cricket fans. Our best bowler is sitting it out so we're in need of some good luck.

I would go to the dance tonight but it's for charity...and I think they want the dancing to help bring in money. Not hinder.

I have to admit that I'm always a little nervous about April Fools' not just because of the pranks but I'm never sure what to believe and what to doubt. I'm sure if my kids were older pranks would be more prevalent. I do thank Merlin that the shenanigans my students are likely to come up with are relatively mild compared to their older comrades. It's the rest of the world that makes me wary. Last year one of my favourite restaurants, this great curry house near my flat, claimed they were closing down, their last day was April first. I didn't believe it until I showed up to an empty store front. I've still yet to find curry as good as theirs. I just don't know if I can handle that sort of shock again.

Fact: 'Go,' is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.

Fiction: The name Wendy was invented for Peter Pan.(Actually before J.M. Barrie it existed as a male name. It's feasible to say it's use as a girl's name was brought about by Peter Pan)

Fact: The term "devil's advocate" comes from the Roman Catholic church. When deciding if someone should be sainted, a devil's advocate is always appointed to give an alternative view.

Fiction: Ivy Malkin is cooler than her brother.

Fact: If you laid out all the veins in your body end to end, you'd be dead.

Remains to be seen: Leaving a ribbiting, hopping, frog shaped present in the teacher's desk is a neat way to show admiration and affection. And not a startling discovery for him.

My only guess is that whoever put it in there wasn't able to find just the right frog in time for Valentine's Day. Or maybe they felt it would have a stronger impact if they waited until the hubbub and hearts died down. Either way, when you open a drawer to find worksheets and instead find a leaping amphibian...it's startling. Okay? Okay.

I was the proud owner of my very own Bitty Mate Owl.

I couldn't get him to stop beeping at me so I just kept feeding him in the hope that the noise would cease. Eventually it did work, if anyone was curious.

And I am now the proud owner of a plump and gorged ball of feathers.

But a silent one.

And perhaps proud was not the right word.

Unfortunate might be more apropos.

One thing I love the most about teaching grammar students is you get to hear the most amusing things. Some of the things they say you can't make up. We were reading the Three Little Pigs together today and I got to the part where the pigs are gathering materials. "Pardon me sir," I read aloud, "but may I have some of that straw to build my house?" And, because it's always good to make stories interactive I asked the class what they thought the man was going to say. Of course, I didn't think anyone was going to quote the book verbatim but I also didn't expect a response of "I think he said 'Holy shit! A talking pig!'" It took me a few minutes to manage to finish the story, I'll admit.